El ritual de compartir porro de hoy se ha convertido en las jeringas transmisoras de VIH de ayer

Revista BIFE se contactó con algunos de los marihuaneros más propensos a las juntadas con guitarreadas y se les hizo la siguiente pregunta: ¿qué hay detrás del porro que cuando circula se disuelven los protocolos? Instrucciones para fumar en compañía sin contagiarse, y el sujeto “con la personalidad asentada que no necesita de la manada” que lleva siempre a mano un tuquero.

Usted puede usar barbijo, saludar con el puño y respetar el distanciamiento, pero si alguien en una juntada desenfunda un cigarrillo de marihuana va a hacer un bollo con cada uno de los protocolos y los va a tirar por los aires, porque inmediatamente se pondrá en la ronda por donde gira el faso. 

¿En qué quedamos, entonces, si la juega de ciudadano responsable hasta que ve circular un porro? Si no tomó del pico de ninguna botella y sólo usó su propio vaso, ¿por qué se degenera cuando el elemento lúdico empieza a humear? Usted está sentado en una mesa, contando cómo su hermanito está sufriendo encerrado en un hotel, y paso siguiente alguien sale afuera a quemar un canuto y usted se dirige danzante a ponerse en la ronda, ¿a razón de qué?

Revista BIFE se contactó con algunos de los marihuaneros más propensos a las juntadas con guitarreadas y se les hizo la siguiente pregunta: ¿qué hay detrás del porro que cuando circula se disuelven los protocolos? Se desprendieron tres grupos de personas: los que descreen del covid (llamados “covidiotas” por la Real Academia Española), los que recurren a los porcentajes para explicar que hay que tener “mucha mala leche” para -en última instancia- morirse, y los que aseguran que hay un componente simbólico, es decir, que no compartir el porro en una ronda -o tener protocolos- es de “careta”.

Si antes el VIH se expandió en parte por los yonkis que compartían las jeringas para inyectarse heroína, los marihuaneros de hoy transmiten coronavirus vía faso. 

Si no tomó del pico de ninguna botella y sólo usó su propio vaso, ¿por qué se degenera cuando el elemento lúdico empieza a humear?

Ahora bien, si tu argumento es no ser “careta” (o sea incurrir en la contradicción de caretearla para “no ser careta”) personalmente me quedo con los heroinómanos. Para explicar la razón por la cual comparten jeringas, los heroinómanos tienen un argumento más sólido y profundo, con una base existencial. En general perciben la vida como algo carente de sentido, muchos han tenido un transcurrir duro y han convivido con varias muertes a su alrededor; se han habituado a ella porque saben que en cualquier momento una sobredosis o una adulteración de la papelina los puede liquidar. Y si se contagian de VIH, de última, ven las consecuencias en 10 años, una cantidad de tiempo que no calculan vivir por muchas razones. Es respetable (como se explica en este artículo de 1985 titulado “Habituados a la muerte, los heroninómanos no temen al sida”)

Sin embargo, más allá del marihuanero promedio, persiste un espécimen -raro en la fauna- que utiliza diferentes maneras de prevenir la coronavirus a la hora de fumar un cigarrito. Y no me estoy refiriendo al sujeto consolidado con la cuarentena que aparece la nota de abajo, el marihuanero ermitaño que no vende ni convida; sino me refiero al que se integra en las juntadas.

Este individuo, seguro de sí mismo, con una personalidad asentada que no precisa de ninguna manada, es el mismo que antes concurría al colegio, en vez de con una Coca-Cola y un alfajor, con un sánguche de lechuga, pese a las cargadas de sus compañeros ¿Por qué se llevaba un sanguche de lechuga? porque podía y quería, punto.

Entonces este individuo es el mismo que hoy, en las juntadas durante la pandemia, lleva consigo este tuquero coqueto que aparece en la imagen donde coloca los cigarros para luego llevárselos a la boca. Si no tiene ese tuquero, tiene a mano siempre un papelito para envolver el elemento lúdico. 

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