Era un día más en Capital Federal en la dura década del 60 y un Cacho Acosta joven y viril se dirigía a su lugar de trabajo: el restorán del Centro Naval, donde almorzaba la cúpula militar. Cacho entonces iba con la frente en alto, firme como era debido, prolijo, afeitado, chalequito y con la mano enguantada y blanca retiraba de su boca el cigarrillo Particulares para humear, caminaba por av. Córdoba, Cachito, con sus zapatos de charol, pitaba una vez más, envuelto en gastronómicos divagues, pensando, quizá, en la bandeja de plata y que en un rato tenía que trinchar, o quizá pensando en la carrera de caballos a la que había asistido el día anterior: quién sabe. La cuestión es que el hombre dobló y llegó a la calle Florida 801, la sede del Centro Naval, repleto de banderas argentinas; ingresó. Del techo estructuras luminosas alumbraban el espaciado salón de parquet con pitucas columnas a los costados y pocas mesas en el medio donde en una de ellas, junto a otros militares, estaba sentado Isaac Rojas, la maldita “Hormiga Negra”, el Almirante que ordenó en 1955 el bombardeo a la Plaza de Mayo. Al verlo, Cacho se llevó la mano enguantada a la cara, con expresión de fastidio habrá movido la cabeza, suspirado, pero siguió su camino derecho a la cocina. Ese día Cacho decidió darle una lección a Rojas, porque Rojas era un hombre despreciable, y desde hacía rato Cacho lo tenía montado en un testículo, precisamente en el izquierdo. Rojas había sido parte del gobierno de Perón (agregado naval en las embajadas de Brasil y Uruguay, y director de la Escuela Naval), pero a partir de 1954 se sumó a las conspiraciones antiperonistas, y el 16 de junio del año siguiente mandó a masacrar la Plaza de Mayo con bombardeos y ametrallamientos -dejando más de 300 muertos, entre civiles y militares- para tomar el poder tres meses después, junto a Eduardo Lonardi, y constituir una dictadura que se autodenominó Revolución Libertadora, siendo, Rojas, vicepresidente de facto hasta 1958. Ese era Issac Rojas, nada menos.
Y mientras Cacho se preparaba para trabajar lo vio una vez más, pero ahora desde la cocina, en plena década de los 60, cuando los militares tenían la verdadera manija, lo vio rodeado de guardias, como siempre estaba, ese tipo delgado, cabezón y de grandes gafas, como una hormiga negra y fea, y con la boca apretada y los ojos entreabiertos, Cacho severamente lo volvió a mirar y pensó: “Qué viejo de mierda”. Entonces fue a la mesa, donde -todavía vivo- estaba Aramburu (“pero ese viejo no jodía, tranquilo para comer, dejaba propina”), y antes de que diga buenos días/buenas tardes, de mala manera Rojas lo interceptó: “Qué tenemos para comer hoy”, dijo (“con esa voz de pija que tenía, viste”, recuerda Cacho). Con proverbial elegancia nuestro mozo desplegó el menú, escondiendo en su cabeza una seria travesura. Rojas pidió un panaché de legumbres (“siempre pedía verduritas, y lomo también, ese viejo cajetilla”). Panaché de legumbres al amoniaco, pensó Cacho y silenciosamente se retiró. La custodia de Rojas era “impresionante”, seguía cada movimiento que ocurría a su alrededor. Sin embargo, Cacho pudo sortearla. Lista la comida, Cacho fue a la cocina, dos custodios le respiraban la nuca. Entonces nuestro héroe dejó el plato a un costado pero agarró la fuente, en una maniobra de distracción, y se dirigió a la heladera. En ese momento, giró sutilmente el cogote, echó un vistazo: los guardias estaban papando moscas. Ocurre que Cacho es muy simpático, verdaderamente entrador, y los vigilantes lo conocían, se dejaron envolver por su carisma y se relajaron. Grave error. Nadie se mete con Cacho, ni siquiera Isaac Rojas. Este es mi momento, pensó. De modo que abrió la heladera, se sujetó del bicho, relajado, como para que la cosa fluyera, por sobre la puerta miró seriamente una vez más a los guardias, y se dejó llevar: orinó toda la bandeja. “Arriba puse el zapallito, la papita, la batata, la zanahoria y sobre el chorro mío un chorrito de aceite de oliva, como para disimular”. Luego, triunfador, Cacho observó, a la distancia, altanero, con su chaleco, sus zapatos de charol y sus guantes blancos, cómo el maldito Almirante se comía cada verdurita, y se tragaba hasta el último sorbo de su orín.
¿Y Cacho vengó a los muertos de la Plaza de Mayo y a cada uno de los peronistas reprimidos, encarcelados, asesinados, durante tantos años de proscripción? Sin querer sí lo hizo, pero esa no fue su intención. Sucede que Oscar Cacho Acosta no discrimina por ideología o religión, no pregunta desde dónde habla uno, dónde estuvo o dónde está, a Cacho le interesa el vínculo, la relación humana, individualmente, ese ida y vuelta; y en el ida y vuelta Isaac Rojas verdaderamente era un…
-Cacho, describime a Isaac Rojas, ¿cómo era la Hormiga Negra?
-Era un viejo acalambrado hasta la verga, era.
Cacho le tenía bronca por cómo saludaba, por cómo lo trataba, era de verduguear, quién se creía que era, esa hormiga, no lo tragaba por viejo cajetilla, soberbio, y, por supuesto, por ratón: Rojas no dejaba ni un mísero mango de propina.
¿Pero cómo llegó este picaresco personaje, oriundo de Conhelo, devenido santarroseño, lustrador y diariero en su primera existencia, vendedor callejero en su segunda existencia, a atender a la cúpula militar en Capital, después en La Pampa, y luego en todos los años de democracia hasta el último gobierno de Rubén Marín?
Cacho nació en Conhelo y a los 9 años migró con su familia a Santa Rosa. Don Pedro Suvieli del Hotel Pampa le puso un día un banco para que llegue a la máquina de café y le dijo “vení negrito, vení, hacete café“. Sin saber que lo iba a marcar para toda la vida, Cachito subió al banco e hizo su primer cortado, inaugurando la aventura gastronómica. A los 14 ya era todo un mozo experimentado. Fue a trabajar al Hotel San Martín, con “Carlitos” González. Pero a los pocos años la voluntad de poder, la ambición de conquistar nuevos mundos, lo llevó detenerse un instante, reflexionar y decir: “Me voy de acá”.
Antes de cumplir los 20 se rajó a Buenos Aires (“ya tenía el culo inquieto”). Fue a parar a Villa Caraza, a lo de su tía Juana, justo al lado de Villa Fiorito, cerca de la casa de Maradona (“Maradona era un purretito así, una pobreza tremenda, lo veíamos ahí, pero no le dábamos ni pelota, obviamente, era un pibito más que andaba en la calle”). Había que salir adelante, así que un Cacho buscavida, empezó hacer changas con su primo y su pandilla, entre los que se encontraba Néstor Echeverri. “¿Viste las chiquitas niñas huérfanas ciegas sordas mudas de La Plata?”, me pregunta. “Bueno, había que vender rifas”.
Oscar Cacho Acosta no discrimina por ideología o religión, no pregunta desde dónde habla uno, dónde estuvo o dónde está, a Cacho le interesa el vínculo, la relación humana, individualmente, ese ida y vuelta; y en el ida y vuelta Isaac Rojas verdaderamente era un…”
Oscar Cacho Acosta fue uno de los primeros vendedores en colectivos urbanos de Argentina, porque ahora cualquiera te vende en el bondy, pero antes no siempre te dejaban, había que ingeniárselas. Y Cacho, con su pandilla, ingresaba sutilmente a los colectivos, con un discurso pensado estratégicamente, y las rifas para las huérfanas ciegas sordas mudas platenses salían como pan caliente.
“Señores y señoras pasajeros tengan ustedes todos un muy buen día en esta cruzada de buena voluntad”, recita Cacho, catedrático, parado en su casa del Butaló, mirando el horizonte, como si 60 años no hubiesen pasado, “por estos niños y niñas que no tuvieron la suerte que tuvimos nosotros de tener un plato de comida, de vivir bajo un techo, de…”, Cacho penosamente arruga la cara, recita y se lleva la mano al corazón, y uno se conmueve, está a punto de sacar la billetera pero entonces Cacho vuelve al presente, y explica levantando el dedo índice: “Un peso valía la rifa. Habíamos hecho un discurso bastante bueno. Íbamos a San Miguel, La Salada, La Plata. Un año estuvimos haciendo eso. Nos iba bien”.
-Pero eso no era lo tuyo, Cacho. ¿No?
-Es cierto, no era lo mío. Así que rápidamente me puse las pilas y piantó del barro al asfalto, como dice el tango. Me fui a la Capital.
Año 62. Cacho vio un aviso en un diario sobre un restorán, pensó “ésta es la mía”, y salió disparando para la calle Cortada Calavera al 275. Don Carlos Galazán se llamaba el dueño, quien le dio el puesto de mozo. El primer día fue con toda su pilcha, “pero los turros de atrás de la barra me movieron una botella de champán, y yo voy con el cristal para servirla a la mesa, y la voy a destapar y ¡boom! con servilleta y todo fue a parar hasta el techo, y enchastré a todo el mundo, ‘venga pampa usted que quiere trabajar, atrás de la barra tiene trabajo, cuando esté lo sacaremos al ruedo’ me dijo Don Carlos Galazán”. Cuatro meses estuvo atrás de la barra, esperando su momento como un animal acechante.
Ya en el ruedo, de mozo, en su salsa, Cacho iba y venía, le iba muy bien, las propinas eran crocantes, hasta que en el 64 conoció a Hugo Nicolás Araya, del Centro Naval, quien quedó impactado con Cacho, su carisma, su positividad, su elegancia. “Vos vas a trabajar conmigo en la cocina del Centro Naval”, le dijo sin dudar el hombre. “Pero Don Hugo, estoy trabajando aquí”, le respondió Cacho. “¿Cuánto te paga el turco este (por Don Carlos Galazán), 100 pesos? Yo te voy a pagar 120”. Entonces Galazán le subió el sueldo a 120 pesos. Cuando Araya se enteró, dijo “turco desgraciado”, y le ofertó 150 pesos, pero el turco de nuevo le subió el salario a 150 pesos. Los hombres se peleaban por Cacho, cada uno lo tironeaba para su lado, lo querían tener en su equipo, y Cacho, en el medio, sonriente, viendo cómo su cotización subía, dejaba que los inversores hagan su juego. Hasta que Don Hugo Araya se pudrió, dijo “a la mierda”, y le ofreció 200 pesos, “¡200 pesos de aquella época!”. “Yo zapateaba como un desgraciado, te imaginarás”, confiesa Cacho, mientras ceba un mate. El turco Galazán, rendido, admitió la derrota, y sobre la barra le dijo “andate pampa, andate, pero sabé que acá tenés un amigo, y las puertas siempre abiertas”.
Así fue que Oscár Cacho Acosta, el mozo que el Poder peleó por tenerlo, trabajó 13 años -del 63 al 76- en el Centro Naval de la calle Florida y Córdoba, en el sexo piso, “de eso no me olvido nunca”. Allí aprendió todo lo que sabe de cocina, se formó, y vio danzar a todo tipo de civiles y militares, desde la abatida Hormiga Negra, pasando por Aramburu hasta César Emilio Ananón.
Los hombres se peleaban por Cacho, cada uno lo tironeaba para su lado, lo querían tener en su equipo, y Cacho, en el medio, sonriente, viendo cómo su cotización subía, dejaba que los inversores hagan su juego”
Cacho volvió a sus pagos y en 1979 lo llamaron de la Casa de Gobierno de La Pampa. Quería trabajar y se conformó con la categoría 8, con la que se jubiló. Le pidieron un menú para una semana, y Cacho llevó para dos semanas, “los milicos abrieron bien grandes los ojos y se quedaron re contentos”. El Coronel Rechi fue quien finalmente dijo frente al resto de los militares presentes: “Ahí tiene un cocinero, nómbrelo y páguele”.
Ya instalado, Cacho supo despreciar a otro milico, quizá con el mismo odio que sintió por Isaac Rojas: Luis Enrique Baraldini, ex mayor de Inteligencia y ex jefe de la Policía. Este, sin embargo, no tuvo el privilegio de degustar el orín de Cacho, pero sí, seguramente, sus malos pensamientos.
Baraldini tenía una costumbre de un gorilismo psicótico inusitado, según nos revela Cacho Acosta, en exclusiva para Revista BIFE.
-Nosotros estábamos con el Alberto Heffner en la cocina, y este pavo de Baraldini entraba. Cuando veía dos silla juntas, le pegaba un patadón a una que la mandaba a la mierda, yo lo miraba como diciendo ‘qué le pasa al boludo este’. Ese era un hijo de puta. Tenía las botas largas, viste, y se pegaba con la fusta mientras entraba y pateaba una silla y a la silla le decía ‘este es peronista’. Entraba, preguntaba cómo iba todo e inmediatamente después decía -eso no me olvido más- ‘acá hay dos peronistas’, y pateaba una silla a la mierda, no era joda, era un hijo de puta, yo pensaba ‘este boludo que se quiebre una pata’.
En 1982 se llevó a cabo en Victorica el famoso “Asado del Siglo”, donde se agasajó a la cúpula militar con 7 mil kilos de carne y 2.500 metros de chorizo. Después del evento, los militares fueron a Santa Rosa y Cacho los atendió. Ricardo Telleriarte (gobernador) había encargado cóctel de langostinos, pero llegaron podridos. “Me dio tanta lástima porque era tan bueno Telleriarte conmigo, que le dije yo te hago eso y mejor que eso. Entonces en un abrir y cerrar de ojos compré todo y cociné el cóctel para los 120 milicos”, cuenta Cacho.
Mientras tanto, Cacho era quien le servía el whisky a Leopoldo Galtieri. “Cómo chupaba ese hijo de remil mil puta”, específica. “Yo en ese momento no sabía quién era, es decir, después me enteré que era un hijo de puta. Pero el tipo se paraba así”, Cacho se acomoda contra la pared, pone cara de galán. “Y entonces yo le llevaba el whisky. No era una medida, eran tres medidas. Ese día le llevé 10 whiskys. Ya antes de la comida tenía un pedo que no daba más”.
“¿Cómo siguió esa noche?”, se le pregunta a Cacho, quien pasa a contar: “Después se fueron a tocar el piano. Vino a cantar Alberto Cortéz. Toco el piano y todo. Cortéz estuvo en la Residencia con Galtieri y el resto”.
Ya en democracia, Cacho siguió atendiendo al poder pero ahora con Rubén Hugo Marín, hasta su último mandato, cuando Cacho se jubiló. “Marín era macanudo, buen tipo, otro tipo era el “Cheri” Almudevar, un señorito era. Nosotros entrabamos en las reuniones de gabinete, conocíamos todos los secretos…”.
Acá se le pide a Cacho que empiece a revelar secretos, que qué importancia tiene si él ya está jubilado y pocos siguen en el gobierno, que los mande al frente a todos, pero no, Cacho da vueltas, no quiere mandar al frente a nadie, porque muchos siguen vivos, y en definitiva el señorito es él, el Cacho Acosta. Además, el mate ya se lavó y se están haciendo las 8 de la noche, momento en que nuestro Cacho se relaja, se toma un aperitivo, un gancia con campari o con limón, o quizá unos whiskys, “pero sobre todo tomo cuando hace frío”. Entonces hablamos de otra cosa, de lo que verdaderamente importa, en definitiva de la vida ahora, dejamos el pasado guardado en un cajón, y hablamos de lo que hizo esta mañana, no de lo que cocinó para militares y funcionarios, sino de lo que le preparó hoy a su novia, porque Cacho tiene una nueva novia, una mujer de Toay “re piola”, que esta mañana lo visitó en su casa del barrio Butaló, y se pusieron al día y bebieron y comieron y se amaron.
Y ya Cacho se está preparando para el día siguiente, con una sonrisa estampada en la cara, ocurre que tiene una audiencia en lo de su amigo Juanjo Pico, porque a Cacho lo solicitan en las reuniones, él tiene esa cuestión energética, viste, es un tema de innato de vibras, de hecho suele hacer pases mágicos, con sus manos suministra positividad en tobillos lesionados, cabezas trastornadas, estómagos empachados, y a la gente, por supuesto, le gusta tenerlo cerca.
A LOS BIFES
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La Pampa enciende alarmas ante creciente número de adolescentes adictos a las apuestas online: “Todo empezó como una forma de conseguir dinero extra”
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El arte es bueno o es de derecha
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Por el frío y el corte del gas, internan a la beba de una de las madres que usurpó una vivienda en Toay: “Son inhumanos, les importan más las casas que nuestros hijos”
459 thoughts on “Oscar “Cacho” Acosta, el mozo del Poder”
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