CORONAVIRUS sociedad

Como una tacita de café

«Agarrando una tacita de café y mirándola por todos lados, no ya como una taza sino como un testimonio de la inmensa burrada en que estamos metidos todos.»
Julio Cortázar- Rayuela Cap 71

By Mercedes Viola /

Frase subrayada cuando tenía diecisiete años y no ha perdido vigencia en mi sentir. Sobretodo hoy que el mundo en el cual me movía hasta hace unos días se ha vuelto tan raro. Para quien no lo sepa, estoy en Milán. Y como ya sabrán, en Italia estamos todos guardados. Desde el día 1 de encierro el pánico al vacío y la sensación de irrealidad han hecho florecer iniciativas de todo tipo y una competencia a quién hace el video más creativo de cómo se divierte en el encierro forzado. Dicen que sería, por ejemplo, un tiempo para redescubrir la familia. ¿Cómo para redescubrir la familia?¿Dónde estaba escondida antes de todo esto? No lo digo como amonestación moral. Digo que quién la tenía, lo sabía. Y si aún estaba dentro, seguramente había encontrado una distancia que funcionaba y distinta para cada uno. Estár encerrados 24 horas es un consejo que nadie daría para un feliz descubrimiento, sino para la saturación. Pero vamos adelante con la lista de cositas lindas para hacer en el arresto domiciliario.

Parece que hay que redescubrir la familia, trabajar los vínculos, cantar en la ventana a las 18 para estimular el sentimiento nacional, aplaudir al mediodía para apoyar al personal sanitario, prender una vela y, claro está, sacarle una foto – sino es como si nunca hubiera sido encendida – y luego mandar la foto al grupo whatsapp del hijo que va a la primaria; poner los chicos a pintar un cartel con un arco iris (ya cansó el arco iris) que declare como cierto algo que en realidad no se sabe: «todo va estar bien». Esto solo como esparcimiento. Después, en mi caso que tengo tres hijos, hay que controlar: los tres grupos de whatsapp donde las madres comparten dudas matemáticas, saturación mental, depresión, impotencia tecnológica (no funciona el codigo, se cayó tal sistema, terminé la tinta de la impresora y los negocios están cerrados), iniciativas como las arriba elencadas, fotos de las velas, y cientos de miles de «gracias». Después hay que controlar los tres registros online de la escuela y un sitio aparte donde ponen los deberes que el registro online, saturado por la demanda jamás pensada, no llega a gestionar. Gestionar, que suena tan mal como resiliencia, otra palabra horrible con la cual se supone que se supera todo esté garrón.


Todo ésto por la tarde, porque a la mañana tenés que darle tu computadora a los chicos para que se conecten y tengan clases online, que legalmente no valen nada, pero es la única parte buena. Ven las caras de sus amigos y de sus profes y ésto los pone contentos. Después ellos, que van a la escuela con mochilas llenas de libros que pesan más que los baúles con los que viajaron nuestros abuelos en el 800, te dan la pila de cosas para imprimir y leer desde otros lados.


Pero no todo es diversión. También hay que comer. No hay manera de pedir una pizza el sabado porque está todo cerrado y se sabe: los chicos aburridos siempre quieren comer. Así que hay que ir al super. Ir al super (que es lo único que está abierto junto con la farmacia y el lugar donde venden tabaco) es una travesía. Hay que imprimir una declaración personal donde dice que sabés como son las cosas según el articulo tal y cual, pero que se te terminó la leche. Salís con el papelito en la mano y revoleando la bolsa para que se vea hacia dónde estás andando. Cuando llegás al super hay cola, porque hay un cupo de personas que pueden estár adentro. La cola es larga porque hay que mantener dos metros de distancia. Y cuándo estás adentro ves gente con barbijos y guantes y te da angustia, vas agarrando cosas a caso. Todo menos leche.


Parece también que hay que leer, que es el momento justo. Así que muchos promocionan libros, que es lo único que se puede vender sin ofender la consternación. Y sería precioso de verdad que la gente que no leía descubriera la lectura, pero paradójicamente, estamos muy ocupados con todas las demás iniciativas.


Todo ésto me hizo acordar cuando, embarazada de 8 meses y medio de mi primer hija, me puse a pintar mi casa. A pintar mi casa. Sola. Corrí muebles, el piano, encinté los bordes, subía y bajaba de la escalera, y pintaba. Como una loca. Desesperada de miedo sin saberlo.Un miedo dulce, que te invade cuando está llegando algo enorme, ignoto y hermoso. Hermoso y terrible, porque tener hijos es hermoso y terrible. Siempre vas a temer por ellos, aunque no sirva de nada. Claro que hubiera sido mejor leer en vez de treparme a una escalera con un tacho de pintura y el rulo en la mano. Pero no tenía ánimo para esa calma.


Y así estamos ahora. En esta fase que no sé si es la primera de un luto, o la ultima de un parto. Quizás las dos juntas. Frenéticos, desesperados de incertidumbre por el ahora y por el después ¿como será todo?, haciendo tonterías en buena fe, llorando a escondidas, cantando bajo oleadas de optimismo, engordando. Tratando de leer y aveces lográndolo. Leer para evadir es algo que me pertenece desde siempre. Leer para evadir, escribir para drenar y gozar.


Así estamos. Mirando la tacita de café a la mañana en éste silencio absurdo, pensando que sí, es una burrada, después la miramos un poco mejor, la tocamos, y sentimos que es suave, y es también frágil y hermosa, tibia cuando está llena, y su café es fuerza y espejo y el vapor nos acaricia y nos presenta su perfume como un encanto, tacita que fue pensada por nosotros, moldeada por nuestras manos para darle forma a un deseo, tacita que guarda un gesto de nuestro cuerpo, un movimiento delicado de la mano que se hace nido entre dos dedos, tacita que espera cada mañana nuestros labios.

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