¿La prohibición impediría que los chacareros fumiguen?

En un bolichito del pueblo me senté, solo, a tomar un Gancia y a escuchar conversaciones ajenas, que es uno de los placeres que de vez en cuando me regalo. En la mesa próxima a la mía estaban tres muchachitos que no pasaban de los veinte años conversando sobre la legalización de la marihuana y de la reciente entrevista que Bife le realizó al ministro de Seguridad. Nada revelador dijeron los chicuelos: me daba la sensación de estar sentado al lado de Revista Sudestada. Terminé el vaso y me levanté para ir al baño, mientras escuchaba que uno le decía a otro con características de evangelista: “Hay que legalizarla, boludo, la marihuana es más curativa que la aloe vera; además sería un golpe para el narcotráfico y la gente dejaría de fumar ese prensado que no se sabe que mierda tiene.”

 Eran cómicos esos chicuelos hablando así.

 Al salir del baño escuché que los cuatro gringos chacareros que jugaban al sapo en una mesa redonda conversaban sobre la prohibición del uso de agroquímicos.

  Pido otro Gancia y me la rebusco para sentarme lo más cerca de los gringos.

  La conversación recién empezaba. Uno, de rostro rubicundo, dijo: “Estaba claro levantarían la prohibición. Yo no estaba preocupado.” “Yo tampoco” repitieron los otros tres. Un poco en broma, un poco en serio, los chacareros comenzaron a imaginar los posibles días en que la fumigada esté prohibida de veras. El flaco alto, con gorra vasca, dijo: “si se prohibiera la fumigada en La Pampa yo me haría un viajecito hasta Huinca, por ejemplo, y compraría los remedios ahí.” Me resultó llamativo en un principio que en la mesa de los tres muchachitos hablasen sobre la legalización de la marihuana y en ésta otra, la de los chacareros, hablasen a la inversa, sobre como actuarían si la fumigada fuese ilegal. Aunque, en apariencia, son temas diferentes.

  Entre naipes y cervezas los gringos siguieron conversando como si formasen parte de la mafia siciliana o del cartel de Medellín. Proponían ideas sobre cómo traer bidones de químicos de otras provincias, los cuidados y sutilezas que deberían tener a la hora de fumigar; especulaban posibles multas si los llegasen a enganchar con las manos en la masa. “Qué pasaría si se nos aparecen en el campo a hacer una inspección” preguntó uno. “Nada, qué va a pasar. Desde ya se evitaría fumigar contra la ruta o los pueblos, pero no les conviene que nos jodan. El tipo que vaya a inspeccionar se hará el boludo y diría: Che muchachos, tengan cuidado que la gente no los vea o sepa que fumigan, miren que el tema está delicado.” Dijo otro: “Aunque nos podrían hacer cagar. Sería raro pero podrían.” “Sí, en el caso que alguien sea muy evidente que fumigue, como queriendo provocar. Si nos hacemos los boludos ellos también se harán los boludos.”

  La conversación se rompió por un mal entendido en el juego. Hubo levantada de voces y puteadas. En seguida se reconciliaron porque ninguno tuvo intención de querer estafar al otro y siguieron con el juego. Yo pagué el Gancia y salí corriendo para sentarme a escribir.

  En fin, se dice que al gringo se le puede tocar cualquier cosa salvo el bolsillo. Así que dejemos la ingenuidad para otro siglo, Sr Ortellado. Una ley no va a impedir que los chacareros fumiguen.

¡Enhorabuena si me equivoco!  

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