En Foco literatura pampeana

Tu sol de inverno

“Te pienso siempre y también antes de dormir, cuando uno está más solo que nunca sin importar con quien duerma, y busco esa sensación dulce que se siente en el pecho y en la panza cuando después de mucha lejanía se emboca la calle de casa”

By Mercedes Viola /

Si supieras cuánto te pienso, quizás vendrías a buscarme; te levantarías de la orilla del río, donde duermes de lado, hermosa, con tu respiro de golondrinas en vuelo, tu canto de tórtola de siestas de verano,  y vendrías a rescatarme de ésta tristeza, por la cual te pido perdón.

Te pienso siempre y también antes de dormir, cuando uno está más solo que nunca sin importar con quien duerma, y busco esa sensación dulce que se siente en el pecho y en la panza cuando después de mucha lejanía se emboca la calle de casa; y me imagino en vos, me acurruco en tus cauces, en tus cielos sin fin,  en tus veredas rotas y en todos tus verdes, y me pregunto cómo sería mi amor si no estuvieras tan lejos, y ahora tan imposible.

A veces, te confieso, quisiera quererte menos, controlar los momentos en que te me cruzas delante de los ojos, pero no llego. Te quiero al punto  que verte me da miedo. Cuando viajo a tu encuentro siento ya el dolor del abrazo de la despedida en el aeropuerto, que me llena el alma de abismos que me comen el respiro.  

Hace tanto de nuestro último invierno ¿es aún como lo recuerdo? Invierno húmedo y frío pero siempre iluminado por el sol. Quisiera estar ahí, levantarme temprano y mirar por la ventana tus árboles, que nunca están del todo pelados, mientras se calienta el agua para el mate, y a la siesta llevar mis hijos a comer mandarinas al rosedal mirando el río, que esta siempre ahí, caminando tranquilo  con sus camalotes que pasan flotando panza arriba, de brazos abiertos con las palmas hacia el sol. 

Una maquina de carne y huesos que vive y come y duerme y hace cosas con los ojos apagados, ausentes”

Pero uno no controla nada de lo que pasa en esa bomba loca que trabaja entre las costillas, y entonces se defiende como puede, hunde las manos en la realidad y escribe, amasa, dobla, lava, corta y pega, rompe, tira, mira con fuerza todo lo que está cerca como aferrándose para no caer, porque teme que podría morir de nostalgia; como si en una de esas noches en que te sueño, mi alma que sin cuerpo viaja y camina tus veredas, pudiera no volver y dejarme acá, vacía, como una maquina de carne y huesos que vive y come y duerme y hace cosas con los ojos apagados, ausentes.

Por acá en éstos días que parecen normales, todo se siente raro, como si atrás de éste verano que se hace el verano cualquiera hubiera un tigre que acecha. No quiero pensar como será, no sirve, nadie lo sabe. Sé que no puedo alcanzarte y que estoy mas lejos que nunca, o lejos como siempre, pero me había creído el cuento de la libertad de las maquinas que juegan a hacer todo posible, a acortar el tiempo y la distancias. 

Quizás la única libertad posible sea la libertad —por otra parte, ineludible—  de tener en la piel y en la bomba loca del centro del pecho, lo que uno cree, y que puede cambiar pensando— y lo que uno ama, con lo cual uno no puede nada, que obedece a leyes que no nos tienen en cuenta, no nos preguntan si queremos  o no queremos ni cuánto o cuándo nos apetece, y que nos hace tan probrecitos y hermosos como niños que juegan, tan inmensos como el río, luminosos como tus cielos, aunque la luz hoy sea melancólica, la de ese sol amoroso de invierno que te ilumina de costado.

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