Si no te gusta este amor, dame tu mano

La Pampa ingresó a la fase 5 y quedó en el pasado las recomendaciones del Ministerio de Salud de recurrir al sexo virtual o la masturbación. Sin embargo, para muchos fueron largos los días de celibato involuntario. Por eso Revista BIFE realizó una encuesta a pampeanos de distintas edades, profesiones y género, sobre cómo sortearon sus deseos durante todo el aislamiento. He aquí el relato de las almas más traviesas, las mentes más pervertidas. Para finalizar, entrevista al mercader de tus fantasías, el dueño de Margot, el único sex shop de Santa Rosa.

Aunque siguen habiendo sectores que la resisten, como el presidente de Brasil, Jair Bolsonaro, ya nadie cuestiona los placeres solitarios. En un principio, fue una práctica supeditada al rincón oscuro del tabú por las condenas judeo-cristianas que inyectaban su dosis letal de culpa, esa deuda impagable. Luego, se la estigmatizó por sentencias de la pseudo-ciencia psiquiátrica, catalogándola de parafilia.

En tiempos de cuarentena, el autoerotismo, la masturbación, el onanismo o “el amor a solas con mi mano” no solo está bien visto desde el punto de vista médico, sino que cobra una revalorización hasta el grado de institucionalizarse: es una recomendación que se baja directamente desde distintos gobiernos en el mundo.

Previendo esto, desde el comienzo del confinamiento Revista BIFE realizó una exhaustiva encuesta sobre la sexualidad de los pampeanos, para derribar algunos mitos o arribar a algunas certezas. Desde hombres casados, señoras a punto de divorciarse, pasando por adolescentes, adultos, de diferentes ámbitos y profesiones, fueron encuestados. Se contactaron alrededor de 120 lectores de BIFE, de los cuales 100 aceptaron el desafío de la entrevista y respondieron las preguntas sin culpas ni tapujos.

En un principio, fue una práctica supeditada al rincón oscuro del tabú por las condenas judeo-cristianas que inyectaban su dosis letal de culpa, esa deuda impagable”

Se llegó a una conclusión temprana. La cuarentena no alimenta la indagación masturbatoria. Nadie se “conoció a sí mismo” más de lo que ya se conocía. En definitiva, el confinamiento obligatorio generó un automatismo casi maquinal. Desde los más novatos en este ámbito, hasta los más experimentados, coinciden en el hastío que devino en falta de deseo y, sobre todo, imaginación: el combustible primordial en este arte.

En términos generales, la técnica habitual en hombres es la de imitar el coito, y en mujeres la de masajear sus partes íntimas. Sin embargo, existen especialistas en la temática, verdaderos maestros mayores de obras de la construcción onanista. En los testimonios de estos seres nos centraremos.

Una paja vale más que mil palabras

“Yo de chiquito no me tocaba el pene para masturbarme”, afirma Osvaldo, que supo tener una rica vida interior, 40 años, abogado, oriundo de Conhelo, hace 20 años vive en Santa Rosa. “Me sentaba en algún lugar tanto tiempo que se me dormían las piernas y sólo sentía mi pene. Entonces me imaginaba a mi profesora de matemáticas hasta llegar al orgasmo. Con el tiempo aprendí a hacerlo hasta caminando. Acababa en todos lados, era medio incomodo pero era increíble. Después, mis amigos me enseñaron a hacerlo con las manos. Nunca volvió a ser igual. Hoy ya ni me masturbo y apenas tengo relaciones sexuales”.

Acaso la perversión de la realidad sea el talismán de los onanistas profesionales. La posibilidad de violar al tiempo, al espacio, a las leyes dictadas para vivir en comunidad y a quien uno quiera, gracias al poderoso insumo de la imaginación donde todo está permitido, y que hoy, sin embargo, se encuentra fatalmente devaluada por la cultura de la inmediatez, de la comodidad y de Internet. 

Esta es una de las razones por las cuales la mayoría de los encuestados afirman que ni siquiera recurren a películas pornográficas para disfrutar en soledad, sino que ven vídeos de pocos minutos que incluso adelantan para “ahorrar” tiempo. En este contexto de rapidez, ansiedad, falta de creatividad y crisis imaginativa, el notable caso de Sofía -25 años, estudiante de la Unlpam- se distingue.

“Empecé a masturbarme de muy chiquita, y rápidamente adquirí una destreza poderosa. Cuando estoy en mi momento íntimo no pienso en una sola persona. Espero que llegue la noche. Entonces recuerdo a todos los individuos que me crucé en el día. Me imagino la cabeza de Matías, con la boca de Valentina, los hombros del kiosquero de la esquina de mi casa, los muslos de mi director de tesis, la cintura de una piba que vi haciendo sentadillas en el gimnasio. Armo un menjunje de personas con sus partes que más me calientan, como un monstruo perfecto, y me lo cojo. Ahora que no puedo salir de casa, que estoy al pedo todo el día conmigo misma, tengo la mente en blanco, casi ni me toco”.

Acaso la perversión de la realidad sea el talismán de los onanistas profesionales. La posibilidad de violar al tiempo, al espacio, a las leyes dictadas para vivir en comunidad y a quien uno quiera”

Por otro lado, en un porcentaje de los encuestados se percibió cierta culpa y vergüenza al manifestar su devoción por el autoerotismo, por la creencia de considerarla una actividad “triste” a la que se recurre ante la falta de sexo. Sin embargo, hay personas como Belén -masturbadora confesa, obsesiva y disciplinada, 30 años, artista plástica, oriundo de General Pico- que tienen otras ideas.

“No recurro mucho al autoplacer, porque soy una amante de reprimir los deseos para luego saborearlos más. Pero cuando lo hago, lo hago bien. Siempre me reservo un día a la semana. Entonces lo hago desde la mañana hasta la noche. Por ejemplo a la mañana estoy con un tipo en los monoblocks, pero no acabamos. Por la tarde nos cruzamos a besos en el ascensor. Y ya para la noche es un delirio todo. Soy un volcán, imaginate. Grito y gozo como una desgraciada”.

Juan -camionero, 45 años, oriundo de General Acha- también es un masturbador confeso, pero desde un punto de vista utilitario, es decir, considera la masturbación como una herramienta “indispensable” para el normal funcionamiento de una sociedad occidental y capitalista organizada bajo la institución de la familia.

“Yo siempre me masturbe y tuve relaciones sexuales, en simultáneo. Es una manera de vivir. Mirá, yo tengo a mi señora hace 10 años, que justo ahora estamos esperando un bebé. Te soy sincero, le soy fiel; pero le soy fiel porque nunca dejé de masturbarme. Físicamente, sólo hago el amor con ella, pero después de tener sexo voy al baño y pienso en fulana, en mengana, o en su prima que tanto me gusta. Estamos construyendo una familia y sin esto no habría manera de hacerlo. La masturbación es indispensable para construir una familia”.

El refinamiento masturbatorio, técnicas y sistemas peculiares

Nair y Esteban son una pareja swinger de Santa Rosa, habitues de un boliche swinger de Capital Federal, llamado Anchorena (hoy cerrado). Son “exploradores del goce“. Cuando se conocieron confesaron su pasión masturbatoria. Tienen una rara perversión. Suelen organizar cenas con parejas amigas y conocidas que no son swinger. Previo a eso, Nair y Esteban tienen su momento íntimo: mientras Esteban se masturba, contempla a Nair cómo se toca con un pepino. Ese pepino luego será utilizado para preparar el gin tonic que las parejas tomarán en la cena, mientras Nair y Esteban las observan y conversan. El pepino consumido por todos en la cena, actúa como una llave en la compuerta de la imaginación de Nair y Esteban, que apenas su casa queda vacía, se va cada uno por su lado a su respectiva habitación (duermen en cuartos separados) y mantienen relaciones sexuales con los fantasmas de sus invitados durante toda la noche.

Existen otras técnicas y sistemas. Aunque es un método un tanto peligroso, uno de los entrevistados reveló que se sienta sobre su mano menos hábil hasta que queda dormida, para que después tenga la certeza de que decididamente otro lo está masturbando. Una de las encuestadas rememoró sus mejores momentos: “Empecé de muy chiquita, pensando en mi primo, luego en mis novios, después mis novios con mi primo y yo de espectadora, pasé por la homosexualidad, la corrupción de menores, teniendo sexo con monjas, con pastores, hoy ya no hay una imagen que me conforme, es todo un caos”.

Un caso peculiar es el de Roberto, de Arata, que reniega de la hipocresía de la masturbación: “Los que dicen que se acuestan con otros mientras se tocan, son unos hipócritas. La masturbación es un acto narcisista, por eso yo cuando me toco lo hago mirándome al espejo. También existe el que peca de transgresor que no es asexuado pero que tampoco se masturba ni tiene relaciones sexuales: “Ahora que lo recomienda el gobierno, que se institucionalizó, perdió la gracia, ya ni me masturbo, pero tampoco tengo relaciones sexuales. No sé bien qué voy a hacer”. 

Entrevista al mercader de tus fantasías

Revista BIFE se comunicó con Esteban Cassullo, el dueño de “Margot”, el único sex shop de Santa Rosa, ubicado en la calle Gil, entre Mansilla y Lagos. Hace 15 años está en el negocio de los juguetes y las fantasía sexuales en la ciudad. Es contundente para afirmar que todavía “hay hipocresía en no asumir que el sexo es una práctica que existe primero para gozar”, y al decir que -según su experiencia- “las mujeres son las más abiertas al sexo, más curiosas, los hombres están llenos de dudas y vergüenzas, tanto parejas heterosexuales como homesexuales”. 

Margot nació en 2004, como una idea de Esteban junto a un amigo ante la falta de oferta del rubro en la ciudad. Sus mejores meses son en enero, febrero y julio (“Debe ser porque las parejas están de vacaciones, y quizá sus hijos no están, entonces tienen más tiempo”). Ahora, durante la cuarentena, ha vendido sólo el 20% de sus habituales ventas: “Yo pensé que se iba a vender más, justamente por la soledad. Se ha vendido por ejemplo elementos para la masturbación, como vaginas para hombres o pequeños vibradores”.

Desde el 2004 hasta la actualidad, cuenta que “la desvergüenza de la gente para con el local fue cambiando, fue paulatina. No es lo mismo ésta época a la del 2004, cuando arrancamos. Igual el local está en una galería, porque sino da vergüenza y la gente no entraría. En aquel momento nos ayudó la revista Cosmopólitan, que trataba el tema de la sexualidad”.

Con respecto a la población que concurre a su local, explica que “hay de todo un poco, de entre 20 y 50 y pico de años, pero más que nada son mujeres las que se interesan, que sin duda es más abierta que el hombre, que es más quedado. Los consumos en general son geles, y el que tiene dinero se vuelca al vibrador, los comunes cuestan 800 pesos, y hay unos nuevos con otra forma más sofisticada que sale 2 mil pesos”.

Por último, una de las observaciones que ha hecho Esteban a los largo de sus años como dueño del sex shop, es que “la gente cuando se abre al sexo es más amable. Mirá que yo he trabajado en kioscos y otros comercios, y nada que ver. A veces van al sex shop con problemas, pero siempre con buena onda”

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