I
Algunas impresiones de este año que se va, aunque no sus consecuencias.
Cada vez que tomé un taxi o remis en la ciudad de Córdoba, por la circunstancia que fuera, los conductores no hablaban. Así lo tomara por la mañana, siesta, tarde, noche, madrugada, el cruce de palabras era un hola y seguidamente la dirección a la que debía dirigirme, alguna desperdigada música o noticias radiales, desde Cadena 3 hasta melodía religiosa, pero sin conversación. Adentro del vehículo -conductor y pasajero- marchábamos como en una nave espacial que no supiera hacia qué planeta se acercaba. Un saludo discreto en alguna esquina con quien vende cubanitos, un bocinazo con otro colega de trabajo, pero nada más. El aire enrarecido del silencio -y más raro cuando los taxistas y remiseros no hablan- se convertía en un síntoma de todo esto que estábamos atravesando.
II
El abrazo es una de las cosas más rigurosas que existen. Al abrazarse cuando se ven seres que se aprecian, hay un refugio instantáneo, una equilibrada complicidad en el afecto. No hay ventajas en un abrazo, como sí podría haberlas en un beso, de amantes o esposos, por ejemplo. Cada abrazo es igual a sí mismo, pero único y diferente a los demás.
Esta pandemia no nos alejó sólo de eso, sino de mucho más; pero decido quedarme en esto: me tocó ver a un amigo no más de siete minutos, cuando pasé por la librería en la que trabaja a buscar unos libros, y que previamente le había dicho que seleccionara. Lo conversado estuvo mediado como por un celofán de ausencia; las palabras que comenzamos no estuvieron acompañadas del abrazo que es -díganme si no- la verdadera y completa charla, por más banal que fuese. Así, sin más, dos o tres afirmaciones al vuelo, un par de preguntas, la queja e ineludible extrañeza por lo vivido en estos meses, ya que somos seres de costumbre (pero de las costumbres que elegimos), y después, la despedida desde lejos.
III
Tema remañido si los hay el del barbijo. Hablaré de otro. De una sensación. Hemos aprendido en este tiempo que lo fresco y ardiente no se excluyen. Más pesado, denso, o más liviano, lo distribuimos y movemos por cada recodo de nuestras extremidades. En algunos casos parecía hasta con pequeños gránulos, al palparlo, cuando el porcentaje del componente no era tan fuerte. Una experiencia nueva, de constante renovación. Diría que fue la transparencia de la salvación. Por ahí algunas gotitas caen en la ropa, en el asiento del auto o el colectivo, en las bolsas que llevamos en las manos cuando hacemos compras. Algo que no hemos sentido y que con este virus, sí. El olor aséptico de sabernos engranaje de una máquina inmensa de carne que busca su supervivencia. Un perfume barato, que asimismo tranquilizó -y tranquiliza- a los demás.
La sensación del alcohol en gel moviéndose por cada poro de nuestras manos.
IV
Creo que nunca habría podido ver cómo es mi pareja en su trabajo, dando clases, ya que es profesora. Lo mismo ella conmigo. Entrar a su aula de sopetón y sentarme para oír sus explicaciones, sólo podría haber sido parte de una ficción. Pero esta pandemia hizo que nos conociéramos, viéramos, hasta estudiáramos las muletillas de cada uno mientras dábamos clases, conectados a las plataformas digitales.
Puedo decir que al inicio fue con cierta expectativa, hasta con temor (¿por qué no decirlo si cada clase es un acontecimiento que uno no sabe cómo saldrá?); después con la oreja parada para advertir aciertos y/o errores en lo hecho por el otro, finalmente con impaciencia y luego con humor, sabiendo que cada profesor tiene sus formas, maneras, estructuras de llevar a cabo eso que prepara y que desea compartir con su grupo de estudiantes.
Nos conocimos de otro modo, desde un lugar diferente y conocimos un aspecto desconocido. Este tiempo hizo que pasáramos, muchísimos de nosotrxs mayor tiempo juntos, con las derivas del caso. Los cansancios de la computadora (ese vernos todo el tiempo a nosotros mismos en la pantalla cada vez que hablábamos, cuando en la presencialidad nunca podemos vernos cuando hablamos) nos derrumbaba luego de haber finalizado las clases y tareas vespertinas.
Síntomas de estos agitados tiempos, de un año que se cierra y de otro que llega y que -me parece- no esperamos con tanta tanta ansiedad, más bien con moderación y templanza. Asimilamos palabras que se grabaron a fuego: asintomáticos, hisopado, protocolo, positivo, distanciamiento, mutearse, etc. La idea misma de “balance” este 2020 creo que dará lugar a un aletargado suspirar que pueda mantener nuestras energías para controlar -al menos subjetivamente- la noción de incertidumbre, cuya definición no cabe entera en ningún diccionario.
A LOS BIFES
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El colectivo que no frena: entre baches y resignación, un viaje al silencioso colapso del transporte urbano de Santa Rosa
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La Pampa enciende alarmas ante creciente número de adolescentes adictos a las apuestas online: “Todo empezó como una forma de conseguir dinero extra”
-
El arte es bueno o es de derecha
171 thoughts on “Síntomas”
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